Starting School. . .

I don't remember when I started school, but I'll probably never forget the days each of my girls started their first days. Jessica was easy, at least easy for her, at the time she was an only child and I was devestated. It was a sign, a signal of her growing up and it was too much for me. I remember spending the day crying. She of course never looked back. She ran in so excited and picked out her spot on the mat, she looked so little her back-pack way to big for those tiny shoulders, but in she went determined not to miss even a second. She had been sent to a school further away because the one close to us was full so it meant she would have to take the bus but that was okay with her. We weren't sure how the bus system worked and so being nervous parents I sent Gil to pick her up after her first day. He said when he got there she burst into tears, full of anger that he had come to get her. She wanted to take the bus home by herself. So he helped her get on the bus and drove home alone, meeting the bus when it arrived home.

Elizabeth has had the opposite experience. Unlike her sister she does not posess the independence that Jessica does and so leaving us and spending the entire day away has been a bit of a challenge to her. I think if she had her way she would not go at all. The first day was only a meet and greet and she managed that fine but Gil was there with her. The second day we drove her to school and then waited anxiously for the bus hoping she would manage it like her big sis did. When she arrived home she seemed off, her blue eyes a little more moist then they normally are, but I just thought it was the stress of the first day. Then the phone rang, it was her teacher informing us that Elizabeth had had a screaming fit when it came time to get on the bus. The teacher assumed Elizabeth just didn't want to take the bus home and she said it took two of them to get her on the bus. That part doesn't surprise me because Elizabeth is quite strong, anyone would have a great issue trying to snatch her up that's for sure. Upon further questioning however we discovered it wasn't the bus that was the issue, it was that Elizabeth at first lost her lunch bag, and then after she found it, was convinced she was to bring both pairs of shoes home, her outdoor and indoor shoes and so she had a fit because the teacher wasn't putting them in her bag. That coupled with a fever and an ear infection and mass chaos ensued.

Since then she has had no major disasters, she has friends so she tells us although she can never remember their names. She knows them by the clothes they wear, i.e. "I made a friend today, she has brown hair and was wearing green clothes.", she comes home starving which means she's expending energy, and she comes home loud. I think that is because she is normally a very vocal child and she has been silent all day because she is shy so by the time she comes home she is ready to express herself and express herself some more.

Again as a mom I have felt the pull of watching my little girl take a step towards independence. They all have to do it, they grow up and grow out but it's so hard to watch. I want to keep them here small, beautiful and innocent forever. The thought of their feelings being hurt, of someone bullying them, of hardship makes me hurt inside too and I wish I could protect them from all of that, but I can't. They are ours only for a time and then they go on to have their own lives that hopefully they will grant us glimpses of, and their own children when it will finally dawn on them (like it did on me) how much a parent sacrifices and hurts for their babies. All we can do is savour every second and do our best to make responsible good little people that can affect the world in a good way. That is my prayer for my four babies.