My Poor Poor Sick Baby

Well Frances has gotten worse and is now in the hospital. Her breathing Friday morning was so bad that we had to take her right away to the doctor who told us to get her in to emerge. Glenn took her and then updated me -- pneumonia. They had her on an IV and oxygen, and she would have to stay for a few days. When they are really little they can't understand when parents aren't there so we agreed that Glenn would take the day shift, and I would take the night. I never sleep well anyway and this way he can get the sleep he needs to function and I can catch a few winks during the day here. (Thank the good Lord Rose is here or we would be sunk).

Rose is feeling very sick too, so we are all having to push ourselves and cope past things that we feel we can't cope with to get through. My biggest fear is that when the trauma of this time is over we will all collapse into an emotional, physical, and spiritual void of depression that will leave us very ill too. None of us really have the time on this schedule to properly take care of ourselves or the kids, we are just in "survival mode", and that makes everything tense. The laundry is piling up, the dishes are piling up, all the things that have to be done are piling up and none of us have anything left to deal with it.

However our suffering is nothing compared to that beautiful little baby girl at the hospital who is so sick and we can't explain to her why she's there and what's happening. Last night at one point she was crying and crying, and flailing about and we couldn't figure out what was going on. This kept up for about two hours and we knew she was uncomfortable but we didn't know why. Finally the nurse checked her IV line, (which was hidden from view by a contraption used to keep her from yanking it out) and it wasn't going in anymore, the fluid was going into her hand and her hand was five times it's usual size. It was heart-breaking you could see how much pain she was in and as soon as we took it out she relaxed and went to sleep. I almost cried right then and there to see her poor little hand all swollen to the size of her thigh.

Her oxygen levels were very low too, at 83 instead of 100 and so we had to tape the oxygen to her face because she kept ripping it off. then they tried to put another IV in to get fluids in her and they couldn't get it so she kept being poked and prodded. Swabs were taken from her nose and eyes, is it any wonder when the nurses come in she jumps into my arms for fear of her life, and all I can do as a mother is try to comfort her and soothe her and watch. I feel so helpless in all of this and I desperately wish I could take all this away for her. What I wouldn't give to have her back home with me now safe and sound in her bed.

But there is nothing like a severe illness to drive you to your knees in prayer; especially when it's your littlest child.