A Hole of My Own Making

Perhaps it's the stress that has been so predominant in my life as of late that has caused such exhaustion that it has left me feeling tired and disallusioned, or perhaps it's just life at least just my life, but I have come to a place of depression and hopelessness that I had been able to avoid for a few months now. I feel that there is no real justification for the life I am in, no real purpose. I exist, I exist to wipe noses, change diapers, give cuddles and kisses but other than that my life has little or no meaning. Choices I have made in the past have left me in a state of continual depression and anxiety and how I wish I could go back and undo the choices I have made, but I can't so I remain stuck.

I want to unstick and sometimes I think I can and then life shows me that I actually can't. I cannot get out of this rut I am in, and I cannot live in it either so what does that mean? If you are stuck in a hole and can't get out, but living inside it isn't an option either what do you do? That is the scary part, and that I do not know. If I didn't have three daughters and another baby on the way the answer would be simple, but I do and so the answer is anything but easy.

Sometimes though when you get slammed down enough getting up again is no longer an option. Sometimes you need to learn to stay down.