Loneliness. . .
Isn't it strange how you can be in a house full of people and remain incredibly alone, how you can be in a crowd and feel completely isolated, and how if the feeling remains you begin to even crave this same isolation and create it for yourself. Today I have remained holed up in my house yet again even though I really needed to get out. Instead I put off getting groceries for yet another day, and that means I have put off leaving the house for almost a week now. Tomorrow Gil is away from early in the morning till late at night so I am sure to be lonely again, and it will be one of those stressful days you wish didn't have to happen, cloistered inside with only my kids for company and I will undoubtedly be sad by the end of the day, but will that mean that I will be able to force myself out on tuesday or will the cycle continue. The more I am alone the harder it is to force myself not to be, the harder it is to reach out to others and the vicious cycle continues.
posted by Anne | 8:06 PM
3 Comments:
I know it is hard not to talk to people but it is very important to try call anyone talk to some one take up something you like to do. It is not good for you to be alone or feel alone.
Sometimes it feel like no one will ever understand me and because of that i feel alone...like i alone all the time. So i don't want to face people.. and be dissapointed that they won't get me... but i long for someone to reach down and understand every bit of me... that is the companionship we both long for.
i wish i could be there for you.
Dearest Anne,
It is hard to know what to say. I guess that it is the Lord Who has put this longing for connection into our hearts. And it is such a lost feeling - the aloneness. The Fear. The contstant searching the mind for answers, for help, for relief. But I have realized and then come to realize again and then again that I believe God gives me the alone times to drive me to Him - He Who is the Only True Answer anyhow. So, seek to throw yourself on His mercy; for it is great and on His love; which is from everlasting to everlasting. Not in a trite, pat-answer way but because it is the only worthwhile hope I have found; that we have. And try not to worry about tomorrow. Or tomorrow. Try to live one day at a time. It is all that you can be sure of anyhow. Who knows? Maybe Jesus will come back tomorrow and all that time worrying will have been wasted.=) I know it all sounds so easy but deep down it is not. Not just words, but truth. Truth from the Master Who knows the beginning from the end. I love you. And I wish I were closer. But since this at this time is all that has been given me this perhaps is what I can do. Blog. And maybe one day again you will feel the freedom to go out; to live outside and to be connected again. You have grown already so much in so many ways. Don't give up. Heaven's but a breath away and in the meanwhile, you have important work to do here; why else would you have been given the road that you have been and the strength of character that you have. Because despite it all and what you may think or believe, I can see it. I love you. Love, Diana
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