Day Seventeen

A chill creeps in through this October morning and I pick up the old familiar blanket of discouragement. It's familiar smell and folds easily wrap around me and I settle in the comfort of it shedding the uncomfortable scratchy blanket of the past few days. I am hoping that perhaps as the day goes on the sun will come out and warm my heart again but I must confess that I do not have much hope in this respect.

I was venturing into Sunnydale last night with Giles and Wesley and it did not go as well as I would have hoped. There is progress but at times progress moves like a snail when I would like it to move more like a rabbit. I have never been a patient person especially when it comes to myself and so I get easily frustrated when I cannot move forward in this process as much as I would like. Why can I not just leap ahead like a gazelle or deer? Why must each step be so darn challenging? Why does it seem like some people's lives go merrily along and mine passes before me unlived? My head hurts today but my heart hurts more and there is no relief.