Day Eighteen. . .
I won't lie and say that it has been a great day, but it has been a growing day. I have been suffering the past few days with insomnia but at last this afternoon I managed to get a few hours sleep and that has made a huge difference to how this evening played out. Although the day has been discouraging and I have been unproductive in every way it is days like this when we flock to Jesus in search of comfort and that is a good thing.
My devotions where Luke 24:15 says that "Jesus Himself drew near. . .", it was such a comfort to read these words that despite the agony my heart and mind endured that today I could hold on to the fact that Jesus Himself draws near. In our grief, in our pain He comes and draws near.
Many things begin to go on in my mind as the 21st approaches. I begin to remember that awful day 20 years ago that changed my life so radically and that of my family. Our world was torn apart and nothing has been the same, I wasn't the same and although tragedy and torment have followed I have never allowed myself to grieve and then put it away. Instead I tried to deny it, tried to stuff it deeper inside, put on a happy face, gone on with my life in what way I could to survive and now it is time to bury this and take back my life. I can never be who I was, I can never be that girl again and that is very sad. What happened to me was horrible and very sad, but at least I wasn't alone. Until this year I have always felt like I was but I know now I was never alone, Jesus walked that day with me, and has walked the past 20 years with me too. He has drawn nearer to me even when I tried to push Him away, and He has been faithful and persistent in reclaiming and redeeming me. This year I will let myself cry, grief and even succumb to the sadness in order to let it go. This year I will draw near to Jesus so that I can grieve the way He wants me to and with Him by me so that together we can get past this. All days are His days and I will not let a day or a month be used by any other force again.
These are two of the passages that spoke to me and brought me comfort last night,
"Here is God the Christ the Great I AM, totally identifying, understanding, and hurting with me right where I am in my pain, suffering and victimization. The Incarnate God, my Elder Brother, Companion, Unrelenting Lover, and Fellow Sufferer, who at great cost to Himself desires to become my Savior, Healer, and Restorer of new life. The Great I AM is weeping as I am weeping." David A. Seamands.
He weeps as I weep, He grieves as I grieve.
"He not only bore the penalty and consequences due all who have sinned, but He also experienced the whole range of physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual pain borne by those who have been sinned against. He totally identified with all innocent victims as well as all guilty sinners." David A. Seamands.
As much as I have suffered He is one person who gets it, who really truly gets it and therefore gets me.
My devotions where Luke 24:15 says that "Jesus Himself drew near. . .", it was such a comfort to read these words that despite the agony my heart and mind endured that today I could hold on to the fact that Jesus Himself draws near. In our grief, in our pain He comes and draws near.
Many things begin to go on in my mind as the 21st approaches. I begin to remember that awful day 20 years ago that changed my life so radically and that of my family. Our world was torn apart and nothing has been the same, I wasn't the same and although tragedy and torment have followed I have never allowed myself to grieve and then put it away. Instead I tried to deny it, tried to stuff it deeper inside, put on a happy face, gone on with my life in what way I could to survive and now it is time to bury this and take back my life. I can never be who I was, I can never be that girl again and that is very sad. What happened to me was horrible and very sad, but at least I wasn't alone. Until this year I have always felt like I was but I know now I was never alone, Jesus walked that day with me, and has walked the past 20 years with me too. He has drawn nearer to me even when I tried to push Him away, and He has been faithful and persistent in reclaiming and redeeming me. This year I will let myself cry, grief and even succumb to the sadness in order to let it go. This year I will draw near to Jesus so that I can grieve the way He wants me to and with Him by me so that together we can get past this. All days are His days and I will not let a day or a month be used by any other force again.
These are two of the passages that spoke to me and brought me comfort last night,
"Here is God the Christ the Great I AM, totally identifying, understanding, and hurting with me right where I am in my pain, suffering and victimization. The Incarnate God, my Elder Brother, Companion, Unrelenting Lover, and Fellow Sufferer, who at great cost to Himself desires to become my Savior, Healer, and Restorer of new life. The Great I AM is weeping as I am weeping." David A. Seamands.
He weeps as I weep, He grieves as I grieve.
"He not only bore the penalty and consequences due all who have sinned, but He also experienced the whole range of physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual pain borne by those who have been sinned against. He totally identified with all innocent victims as well as all guilty sinners." David A. Seamands.
As much as I have suffered He is one person who gets it, who really truly gets it and therefore gets me.
posted by Anne | 10:29 PM
1 Comments:
It is so exciting and yet challenging to me to hear you speak the truth about Jesus while in the midst of your pain. I will be honest and say that I didn't think you were seeing Jesus - that your pain was blinding you to his constant presence. But clearly his love is winning through, and his blood is healing these old, old wounds. I am so privileged to be part of your journey.
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