Happy Birthday Gil!!!!!

The love of my life turned 35 today, which is so hard to believe because he still seems like the young handsome guy who stole my heart in college. It's moments like this I realize I live in a cocoon where everyone ages around me, but me and my love. Wouldn't it be nice if you could stay on some romantic island together forever and never grow old.

But reality sets in and we are getting old, but we did have a good time celebrating tonight didn't we Gil. We went on a date, our first since March, had a nice relaxed dinner. Didn't have to get up from the table 20 times to help the kids, didn't have to threaten anyone if they didn't finish their food, none of us there had trouble finishing the food, it was wonderful. We saw a movie and had many laughs with good friends. It was a wonderful evening.

To top it all of Rose kindly watched the kids and cleaned for us, something she didn't have to do, but we greatly appreciated it. It's so nice to have a chance to go out and just relax. Thanks Rose for making tonight extra special for us. Thank-you Gil for being the man you are and giving me such great kids, and such a good life. I am truly blessed because you love me.

The Grumpy Old Troll

Unfortunately for most residents of Green Gables there has been a grumpy old troll milling about lately. You would think with the holidays approaching and Rose moving in that all would be well within Green Gables walls but no the troll has been spotted everywhere, griping about almost everything, never happy, never satisfied, just perpetually grumpy. What is one to do with such a beast? Poor Gil seems to be bearing the brunt of my (yes it's me), grumpiness and I wish I could for sure ascertain the cause of my dip into the pit of crabiness.

My only defense may be this, that lately I have been trying to deal with the simmering pit of anger that lives beneath the surface of my subconcious. An anger that I have never awknowledged let alone allow myself to feel, anger being one of those emotions I'm not used to and therefore not comfortable with. I would rather ignore all feelings of anger or turn anger at myself than to actually deal with it and aim it at the appropriate people. So I have buried anger simmering inside and I've been in therapy trying to access it and give myself permission to feel it and aim it at the right people.

Unfortunately I think my aim is off because it seems to be hitting innocent bystanders -- mainly Gil, Rose is smart enough to run for cover. So to my family I will try better to aim the anger at the appropriate targets and until my aim gets better please don't hate me :)

Jessica Anne Turns Eight

My eldest baby is eight and what a beautiful eight she is. Her birthday was a beautiful one, starting with presents in the morning and then we went to a Barbie Musical and the Haunted House. She apparently had a good day and that's what it's about, right?

It's hard to believe that it was eight years ago when our lives were so richly blessed with her arrival. She has always been my spunky independent fire child whom can melt and break my heart at the same time. This Saturday will be her actual birthday party, (she chose to have it late so her cousin could come), but that is her motto. Her friends are her life. She is extremely close to her cousins Nikita Phoebe and Emily, and she has friendships that are so strong it's amazing. Samantha and Yasmine are her newest friends each coming from other countries recently and she has adopted them and they act like they have known each other all their lives. It's especially touching to see her interact with Yasmine because Yasmine knows no english but that doesn't stop them from communicating. Jessica just takes her under her wing and treats her like a precious piece of porclein and they are inseperable. I think she's just someone that because of her fire and drama and energy that you are just drawn too. It's always been that way, even when she was very small.

The night she was born is a blur, we were at Gil's dad's memorial when I went into labour. We knew it might be awhile so after the service we went to our friends house to wait it out. Gil went out to get food and friends kept track of my contractions. It was like an episode on Sienfield actually. We finally went to the hospital and one of our friends tagged along I had to tell Gil to tell him to go home cause I wasn't having the baby with him there. Gil fell asleep and my dearest sister Paige helped me through the contractions. When she was born after an hour and a half of pushing I just collapsed. They put her on my belly and I remember thinking where did all that black hair come from.

Which of course shows you how well I was thinking considering Gil's dad, mom, and two sisters have black hair. Her hair went red at first and now is a dark lucious brown. She has beautiful features and will be a knock-out in her teens. We had better buy the baseball bats now.

She is my smart smart child. It's not that the others are dumb but she is genius level I think. She never forgets anything, she seems to have a photographic memory, and her mind can think through such large complex things that at her age shouldn't even be on her radar. She's in french immersion because she was too quick in kindergarten with english so they suggested french immersion so she wouldn't get bored. She learned to talk before she was one, and was singing songs from the radio at one and a half. Her teacher last year referred to her as gifted, in more than one area and I must agree. It scares me how much she knows and remembers, and learns, I worry that she worries too much and I guess as my oldest I still want to protect her from everything, but she wants me to let her make her own mistakes. It's a hard balancing act for us parents and until you are a parent it's a hard one to understand.

She's always been independant and vivacious and sometimes I wish she would need me more than she does.