Happy Birthday Frances. . .

Dear Frances,

Well I'm sure to you it has taken forever to get to this day, but here we are and you are finally five. I remember last year the day after your birthday you appeared at our bedside to ask "am I five today?" and after bursting out laughing I explained that it would take another year before you would have another birthday. I was pleased that at least it must have been a good day for you if you were already awash in anticipation for the next birthday.

You have had quite the year, it has been full of change but you have adapted well to every single one of the changes. You started Junior Kindergarten and for half a year that meant taking the bus every day. You loved that part and enjoyed putting on your backpack and walking to the bus-stop down the street. You always looked so little to me, with a backpack almost as big as you, climbing into that huge yellow bus to go to school.

We also moved to another house and that doesn't seem to have bothered you either. You seem to like the layout of our new house better. You love our neighbors and from the looks of the trays of cookies that Julie made you they like you as well. The only regret you seemed to express was missing Dickens our cat since he didn't make the move with us. However you didn't express your loss in a dramatic way other little girls might have you moved on from it rather quickly, seemingly to understand that loss and change are a part of life.

You excelled at Kindergarten which of course doesn't surprise anyone because you are smarter than your average junior kindergarten girl. This year also marks your most talkative year. The days that you spent at home were quite noisy compared to the days when you weren't here. You would talk to me and pepper me with questions all the day long and chat with your brother who absolutely adores you. You two seemed to miss each other on the days you were in school because on the opposite days I would often find you two locked in an embrace, cuddling on the couch watching a movie or dancing together. I found it quite delightful that your presence brings out his softer side and I hope that that is something that continues.

You really do mean so much to your Dad and I. You are a breath of fresh air in our family. You are the first to rise and sometimes the last to go to bed. Trying to get you to stay in bed and actually sleep is often a challenge. You often wake up way before the rest of us and sometimes you awaken before the sun even rises. Candice spent time this summer watching you guys and told us how she was awakened at 5:00 am and she had to explain to you that even though it was bright out and even though the birds outside your window were singing it was definitely not time to get out of bed yet. Somehow she convinced you and you went back to bed but probably not back to sleep.

You are also always full of song, your little voice peels through our house as you sing and dance the day away. You love the full length mirrors in the hall and the basement and can often be found standing in front of them admiring your latest fashion experiment, singing, or talking to yourself, once you even sat in front of the mirror reading yourself a story and showing your reflection the pictures in the book to make sure that whoever was looking back at you was following along as well.

You definitely suit your name, you are free and pure, unencumbered by social expectations you express whatever happens to be in your little head at that time. You hug almost everyone you meet and lavish lots of hugs on the people who are special to you---like Grandpa. You tell us often how much you love us spontaneously when we are doing other things and it delights our soul.

This year has also marked our return to Church as a family and it has been so good for our hearts that going to Church is important to you. You love Sundays because you get to dress up go to Church and dance in front of the Church to the worship music. You enjoy your junior church experience and often come home with a myriad of crafts. On days when as parents we have not been able to go, you still long to go so Uncle Byron and David usually fill in the gap for us (Thanx guys).

I love how much you delight in life, I love how your laughter seems to burst forth like a waterfall from a stream and cascade all around us. You laugh all the time and I hope you never have a reason to stop. I love your little voice that is still higher pitched than your average voice, I can always tell no matter where I am in the house who is talking. I love your hugs, your bursts of love, your singing and your dancing.

I'm also glad that yesterday when we celebrated your day that you really enjoyed it. I love that you enjoyed every little bit of your party since you have been waiting for so long. I loved how you showered Byron and David with affection, how you gasped at every gift, how everything about the day seemed to delight you and today that has only continued. You know it's okay if you slow down a little bit in the growing up department, my heart would appreciate it if you did so that I can enjoy my little girl for a little bit longer. I do love you so very much, happy birthday dearest girl.

Dieting. . .

Trying to get fit, trying to be healthy, to exercise and to diet is what seems to be consuming me at the moment. I hate it, I hate excercise but I hate how I look right now more. So I am trying really hard to stick to the diet but most days I just want to throw it all out the window. Why do we have to diet, why can't we eat what we want when we want and still lose weight or at least stay the same. I used to be able to do that, then I had kids and it became something I have to work at, after Jessica I still did okay but then Christopher came along and my metabolism slowed down to a crawl. I started gaining weight even when I did not eat, and no matter what I did I couldn't seem to lose weight. The doctor and I even started to believe I had entered extremely early menopause, I was frustrated and at my wits end.

Then Glenn and I decided to embark on a crazy "all bacon all the time" diet(lol) and things managed to get jump-started. Suddenly I started to lose and so did Glenn. Of course I'm still not losing as fast as I want to but I know it's because I still need to add the fitness part into the diet. Yuck yuck yuck I hate exercise. It's too bad we don't have a pool or a squash court near us. Those are two things I love doing and would do so naturally thereby getting fit would be a by-product but unfortunately that is not my life so I must find other ways to get fit. At least another by product of the weight loss is that I have more energy to put into exercise. For awhile there I had barely enough energy to breath, and exist and now that energy is beginning to be in abundance so at least exercise is at least possible.

Yes after 20 years of not being able to function in the morning before noon, my clock has finally switched back and I now am awake during the day and sleeping peacefully at night. I did not think that this would ever be possible and I wish I had found the "secret pill" long before now. It would have been so much easier when the kids were super small if my time clock had been correct but until the past month being able to function before two in the afternoon was an impossible dream, now it is a reality and I am loving every second of it.

So all that to say that I no longer have an excuse not to be healthy not to get fit and even though I hate the idea I must start. . . yuck!